Last paddle

The email read, “Time to relocate boats to the other side of the lake.”

“Ask Ben. He’ll take care of it,” said Gary.

My husband had called from our porch in SC while I sat at my mother’s round kitchen table in WV. Reverse our locations, and he would have stored our canoe without a word.

Ask Ben?

I could, but I wouldn’t.

Ben, my niece Taylor’s husband feels more like a nephew than a “niece Taylor’s husband.” When he and Taylor aren’t working, they’re juggling soccer and swim practices, attending matches and meets, volunteering in concession stands—doing the things parents do.

I headed back to our “castle” above the lake. Before I unlocked the door, my brother Donald texted, “Mom said you’re going to rack the canoe. Let me know if you need help.”

“I will,” I said.

But I wouldn’t.

I looked forward to an end-of-season paddle across the lake. Plus, I’d find out if my dumbbell and squat routines were worth the time.

Oral Lake is not a seemingly endless expanse of water like Lake Norman, NC where I once ran out of gas on a wave runner in a sea of nowhere. That could never, as in ever, happen on Oral Lake.

For one, I can stand on the swimming dock at our lake and see land on both ends.

For two, jet skis and watercraft with more than a trolling motor are forbidden. We swim, fish, row, canoe, and paddleboard.

I let myself into the castle, grabbed a paddle, and headed down the hill to the deserted lake and our ancient, green, two-seater canoe.

I sported a pale pink summer hoodie and lightweight grey cargo pants; the same uniform I wore to hike miles of trails at Yellowstone last September. I congratulated myself on having already been dressed for the task—until I saw the hull, full of rainwater and fallen leaves.

I glanced at my new—white—tennis shoes. Ugh.

I could have trudged back up the hill to swap for an old pair.

I could have, but I didn’t.

Grunting, I lugged the canoe onto the dock and leaned it sideways to dump as much water and debris as possible. Sliding it back into the water, I balanced the boat with the paddle and climbed in, splaying my shoes away from the leftover muck.

I paddled under the setting sun in the azure sky and paused to admire a couple of giant grass carp and shrinking yellow-green lily pads floating here and there.

When I reached the ramp, I paddled backward onto the cement slab. I pulled off my shoes, stuffed my socks inside, and threw them to shore. Rolling up my pant legs, I threw one leg over the canoe into the water, and—YIKES—slipped on the slimy concrete. How I avoided going for a swim remains a mystery.

On dry ground, I managed to get the 75 lb. canoe to the two-story rack by pulling…grunting… dragging…resting—repeat. My final challenge? Hauling the boat up and onto the widest of the two spots left on the second tier.

I lifted the bow, heaving it to a plank on the first tier, then pushing and shimming the stern to work the bow higher. When the darn thing turned sideways, I wiped my brow with my mud-stained sleeve and said to myself, “Self, you can right that ship when it’s on the rack.”

Which is what I did once I got it there—by pulling and tugging while standing on rowboat bottoms, then climbing to the second-tier planks and heaving with all my might. I made my way back to the grass, lifted the stern, and—halleluiah—pushed the canoe across the rack.

Time to relocate boats to the other side of the lake?

No problem.

Lawn Mowing Men

“You’ve got to see this,” said my husband, Gary. He marched me to the back door, held it open, and said, “Look at that!”

I looked. I didn’t see a snake. The chipmunk who makes a game of terrorizing our yard was nowhere in sight, nor was the skunk who let his presence be known one night last week. I saw nothing.

“The grass, Gen, the grass,” said Gary.

What is it with men and grass? They complain and moan about how fast it grows and having to cut it but are unable to just let it go. Whenever they have a free moment in good weather, they can’t do anything or go anywhere because: “I have to cut the grass.”

It’s all a ruse. That’s right. The relationship between a man and his yard is really a love affair. He whines about cutting grass, but he looks forward to the peace a droning mower affords. The office can’t find him. His kids can’t bug him. His wife can’t nag him. 

It’s just the man, his mower, and the grass.

He plugs in his earbuds and listens to whatever he wants to hear.

Gary probably mows to Led Zeppelin or Aerosmith or Bryan Adams or Bob Seger. Or maybe Chicago, the Eagles, the Kinks, or the Guess Who—depending on his mowing mood.

On a rainy day, all he can think about is how tall the green stuff will grow overnight. It wouldn’t surprise me to discover he sneaks out while I’m asleep to measure the grass with a ruler under the moonlight. I’ll bet he’s got a growth chart for the backyard somewhere hidden under his tools in the garage.

A friend of ours who passes off as a darn good dentist also lives on a farm. So, he dreads working in the fields during his downtime, right? Ha. Ha. Ha, ha, ha. Climbing aboard his tractor and cutting hay—that’s his favorite pastime. 

Hay is “grass that has been mown and dried for use as fodder.” In other words, our friend loves to cut grass. When he’s late for picnics or other social functions, his wife Becky says, “Oh, that Greg. He loses track of time when he’s out cutting hay.” 

Just can’t get the man off his tractor.

Last spring, Gary went back and forth debating over whether to invest in a new lawnmower. His loyal Snapper was more than 21 years old. My husband wound up buying a new mower but couldn’t part with the old one.  He says he needs it for backup, that it’s still better quality than the new model.

“It’s solid,” said my husband. “They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.”

I’m telling your he’s attached to it in the same way he is to his high school football cleats—the ones he wears when he mows.

We arrived home from our beach week to discover the man he hired had not cut the grass in our absence. Gary stomped around for a few minutes before going straight out to attack the lawn. The next day, I was still looking for wild animals when he said, “Look at that. Does it look to you like I mowed it yesterday?”

On Friday, as we pulled out of the driveway, he surveyed the yard—no kidding—and said, “Am I ever glad I go the grass mowed. I had to raise the wheels up because it was so high when we got back. Do you believe I’ve mowed the grass three times in 11 days? Three times!”

We go through the same ritual once—sometimes twice—a week. Gary grumbles as he heads out the door to cut the grass. I say, “If you hate it so much, why don’t you hire someone to do it? Think of all the time you would have for other things.”

He acts like he doesn’t, but, oh, he hears me. A man, his mower, and the grass. Make no mistake. It’s a love affair.